My middle daughter broke her ankle playing volleyball last week at a tournament in Alabama. She has been training for the past several years, pushing herself since the spring in order to make her high school volleyball team this fall. When we got the news of her broken ankle, it was five days before pre-season camp and only a week before tryouts.
Was this a sign? Is she not supposed to play volleyball? Was G-D or the Universe, trying to tell her something? Or both of us something? She was having a blast at last week’s tournament. Lena was playing really well, and her coach even called to tell us that he was selfishly upset when she got hurt because they lost their last game. He was pretty confident they would have won it if she had still been playing in the match.
I was 2000 miles away. I felt myself going into mama bear mode. I felt sad, angry, a huge lack of control, and, above all, helpless. However, when I spoke to Lena, she was cheerful. She was not angry, she was not sad, and she didn't seem upset at all. Lena was still having fun, and her coach even sent us a bunch of pictures with her seeming very happy.
The Overactive Brain
I was the one struggling. Why wasn't she worried about volleyball tryouts in a week? Why was I so worried? Should I be upset and worried if she's clearly not? Is this about her or about me? What does it mean for her if she doesn't play volleyball on her high school team this year? What does it mean for me? Why was I so upset? If she's not upset then why am I? Should I email her coach or let her take care of it? We need a plan right? Or do we? How am I serving her? How am I benefiting our relationship if I take it all into my hands and guide this process the way I think it should go? What about how she thinks it should go? What is the solution here?
Clearly I had some triggers and some sizable feelings. Before I became a Parenting Coach, those triggers and feelings would have taken over, leading me way out of alignment with my intentions and goals. I now have the tools and strategies to articulate and clarify my parenting goals, to own my triggers as my own while not projecting them onto my children, and to label my feelings and allow myself to feel them.
These are just some pieces of the process that allow me to focus on what I really want: a connected, loving, and lasting relationship with my daughter. Can you relate? I can help you get where you want to be, right in time for back to school! Contact me for a Complimentary Discover Session call. It doesn’t matter where you are, quite literally or figuratively. Geographically or emotionally, spiritually, whatever, I am right here for YOU!
Learning to Let Go
My daughter came home with a boot and crutches. I hugged her and just listened, exploring how she felt and what she wanted. She has transitioned to a brace and two weeks of physical therapy, only a short delay in the scheme of things. I am looking forward to seeing how it all plays out for her, but more importantly, how she wants it to play out. I know my goals, and I am leaning hard into trust, respect, and faith that she knows hers as well!